Summer sun and a note for future reference

It's very quiet in the apartment right now. Chad has been in bed for an hour and Justin is gone hunting the great black bear. Rainy lies curled in the top of her cat tree and all I hear is the click of my laptop keyboard and the hum of the refrigerator. Peaceful moments like these are so rare anymore. In my pre-baby existence, I had no notion that time for myself could be such a valuable commodity.

The summer is rushing past, and though I remember how much I complained about the rain when we moved here, I do wish it would rush past a little more swiftly. We have three fans in our apartment but no AC so it gets hot quickly. Especially if I try to cook anything. The other day, it was 67 degrees outside and 79 degrees in the apartment because I baked some potatoes. Heat is so hard to get away from--it's not like the cold, when you can pile on a few more blankets or jackets and sit huddled next to a space heater or take a warm shower. Cold showers never feel good, there's only so many pieces of clothing you can take off, and hot air blown through a fan is still hot.

Those moments that make mommyhood so worthwhile.

Of course, the heat in the apartment isn't so bad when I consider what Justin does every day, all day. He works in a hot, humid atmosphere detailing cars. At least he can cool off a little with the water. He's still working at West Hills Honda while he works on the law enforcement application process.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to write my articles for FamilyShare.com and TiredofWriting.com. I enjoy having these avenues to earn a little money while being a stay at home mom. I just wish Chad understood the importance of my task and didn't see every time I open my laptop as an opportunity to work on his button-pushing skills.

This naughty kid keeps me on my toes.

Chad is a runner, climber, screamer, tantrum thrower and getting cuter by the day. It takes all my energy just to keep up with him sometimes. He can say a couple of words, but his preferred mode of communication is to grab my hand and take me to whatever it is he wants. He can follow simple directions, knows a few body parts, and enjoys hugging Rainy when she stops moving long enough for him to catch her. He says "ti tu" for thank you, "MAAAM" for Mom or some variation of "Come here right now!", and "daggy" for Daddy. From time to time he makes a number of other vocalizations, but we aren't sure what they mean yet. His favorite things to do are read story books, cuddle with us in bed in the morning, suck his binky, eat cheese, try to run across the street the moment we're outside, drinking from straws, and sliding down slides. He's also had 3 weeks of swimming lessons now. And while I wouldn't call him Michael Phelps, he does seem to enjoy the water and he likes flirting with the swim instructor.

4th of July Fun

We've had a good summer. Chad wasn't afraid of the fireworks on the 4th of July at all, and we were hard-pressed to keep him from lighting a few himself! (Only half kidding.) Immediately afterwards Chad and I took a short trip to Boise to visit my parents for a few days. It was so wonderful. I never remember what a great city Boise is until I'm returning there after some time away. Boise, McCall, and Rexburg are neck and neck for my most favorite places in the world. On Justin's days off, we try to mix up what we do. We've gone on one camping trip (and made some delicious peach cobbler), visited the Puget Sound Naval Museum and the Undersea Naval Museum, visited Bainbridge Island, splashed at the Silverdale and Bremerton waterfront parks, and tomorrow we're going to the Kitsap County Fair. This summer has been more fun than the last because Chad is old enough to realize where he is and enjoy the variety of activities we do. He's also old enough to try to run away from us in crowded areas, which isn't so fun.

The moment I'm most looking forward to: My sister getting back from her mission the evening of September 9th! After 18 months serving the people of Rancagua, Chile, Chelsea will finally be home. I don't know yet if I'll be able to be there, but just having her nearer, being able to call and talk to her whenever I want, will be so wonderful. The last time she saw Chad he was 10 days old, so I'm especially looking forward to somehow getting those two together.

Blowing dandelion seeds

Now for the biggest reason I've been meaning to write this blog: In the Mormon community, it's normal to pop out another baby every two years. Kids get to be fairly close together in age, and women get to get these baby years over with more quickly. Sometimes they're closer or farther apart (2 years 2 weeks between me and Chelsea, 3 years 1 month between Chelsea and Nick, 1 year 9 months between Nick and Charity) but 2 years has always seemed to me to be the perfect interval. So we started trying to conceive at the appropriate time, anticipating it wouldn't take long before baby #2 would be on his/her way.

But it hasn't happened like that. It's been months and we've still had no luck. And yes, I realize that's hardly any time, many people struggle for years with infertility and spend thousands of dollars on expensive procedures. But the length of time hasn't mattered to me. Every month feels like the death of another possibility and it only gets worse the longer it takes. I've been asked, jokingly, what's taking me so long. Why aren't we jumping on the band wagon and having another baby? Questions like that, while well-meaning enough, pierce me through with regret and sadness. I laugh off the question, but inside I die a little. And now that I have the smallest idea of what it's like to be infertile, I feel so much more empathy for those friends of mine who have struggled to conceive. It hurts your heart with a dull, constant ache which only sharpens over time. Every baby announcement on Facebook is another reminder of what you don't have, every smiling baby picture another punch to the gut. The Facebook news feed quickly becomes a gauntlet of pinpricks and heartaches. I don't care if they've been trying for 2 months or 2 years, the sting of infertility is real and painful and should never be downplayed.

So for those of you reading this, I just make a small plea. You never know what a couple might be going through. Don't assume just because they have no kids or one kid that they don't want more, that they're selfish, that they're waiting too long. You have no idea what pain your innocent question might cause. And the next time you post a baby announcement on Facebook, say a little prayer in your heart for the women out there who will see it who only wish that could be them.

Nielsen Family Selfie

Kleiner Park in Boise

A couple of goofballs

"Loving" Rainy

Climbing all by himself

Can't get enough of this little face